Hillary's Last Will and Testament

The Last Will and Testament of Hillary Rodham
Clinton

I, Hillary Rodham Clinton, being of sound mind and insubstantial political body hereby declare this to be my political last will and testament.
To the Wesleyan University I leave the sum of ten million dollars or it’s equivalent in cattle futures for the sole purpose to fund the construction of a gilded statue of myself. This statue shall be one meter taller then the statue that crowns the United States Congress. Said statute shall be mechanized in such a way that the face of the statue shall always face the sun. Its eyes shall be crafted in such a manner that they shall always appear to follow anyone that approaches this statue. A small altar shall be constructed at the statue’s base for the use of the student body.
In addition, I hereby leave to Wesleyan University the sum of one million dollars in Chicago nasal speaking fees and ghost written book royalties for the sole purpose of funding all activities relating to the necessary name change of Wesleyan University to the much catchier "Hillary’s Alma Mater College".
To My Beloved Daughter I leave a mountain of legal bills and the presidency which I hereby declare is now a hereditary office.
To H. Ross Perot I hereby leave a one hundred foot high pie chart emblazoned with the words "Thank you".
To George W Bush I hereby leave his ranch in Crawford Texas, a poke in the eye with a blunt stick and all of the blame for my vote for the war in Iraq.
To the Senate of the United States I hereby leave a work order for a life sized (9meters) gold statue of myself to set atop Congress.
To Barack Obama I hereby leave America’s post 9-11 distrust of Muslims. I stuck it on you, now you get to keep it! (you’re welcome)
To the people of Arkansas I hereby leave the Whitewater Land Development Corporation, the debt from Madison Guarantee Bank and my little round hippie glasses.
To the DNC I hereby leave the smoking ruins of the Democrat Party and a warning that I will come back to haunt you again and again.
To the RNC I hereby leave a magic button which will bellow my name when pushed and will reliably invoke fear in one third of the electorate.
To Chris Matthews I hereby leave him his career, or at least the part of his career with high ratings.
To Senator Kennedy (whichever one has been installed in power) I hereby leave all of the bar tips of South Boston as a war chest and brain cancer as a thank you for your endorsement of my opponent.
To Fox News I hereby leave high ratings and a photo by Annie Leibovitz of the big bulls eye that I painted on my own ass.
To the People of the United States I hereby leave my worn out copy of Evita, a new found sense of collective shame and the certainty that no election will ever again be final.
To Bill I hereby leave, as per our agreement in return for my silence in his time of troubles, his testicles which can be found in a jar in the pantry of my home in Chappaqua.

I will close with a few quotes that I wrote myself:
If you aspire to the highest place, it is no disgrace to stop at the second, or even the third, place.
It is a true saying that "One falsehood leads easily to another".
As the old proverb says "Like readily consorts with like."
Where is there dignity unless there is honesty?
The people's good is the highest law.

Copyright 2008
Cicero Q Public
Ciceroqpublic@yahoo.com